Who is the head of the family?

An interesting observation that I often come across in the therapy process is that men tend to emphasize male leadership in the family, while women stress female leadership. It's very RARE that both partners share the same view. There are a FEW cases where leadership is not necessary; partnership is better. The mere fact of a 'conflict matrix' of roles shapes corresponding models of verbalizing partners' positions in the family.

It can't do without a translator.

"A thriving family does exist; it's not a myth.

What is it? It's about spouses agreeing that they are different, so they NEED TO DISCOVER EACH OTHER'S NEEDS. And here's the catch. For example, a husband wishes to build a new life and discovers that his wife has a hobby he doesn't like. Her NEED is different from HIS. Here, you can either acknowledge and accept it or conflict and part ways. Thriving families are distinguished by:

1. Continuously monitoring each other's needs
2. Being able to discuss, ask, and offer.
3. Adapting to changes in marital life by sharing the workload evenly.

‍

What can the needs of spouses be?

After the events in February, men are coming forward with requests for rebuilding support, acceptance, and trust (emotional + sexual support), sharing interests and hobbies, and assistance with parenting.
After the pandemic, the focus of women's requests hasn't changed, and the request for tenderness, love, and emotional closeness with their partner remains the same. Notice that financial support is mentioned only in the second place, along with childcare."

Marriage counseling can be quite painful, especially in cases where neither partner has the habit (from birth) of expressing their feelings, thoughts, and desires. This is when arguments, bickering, scenes, and scandals become a constant presence in the family. You can find a brief video guide on how to argue correctly here.

In my work, there are cases where neither side (the couple) had parents, grandparents, or ancestors who demonstrated communication models to their children where partners would harmonize their desires, and both would be satisfied with the outcome of an argument. In dysfunctional families, arguments were seen as the foundation of relationships - THERE HAD TO BE A VICTIM. The victim script is very noticeable in speech: 'I have to,' 'I was forced to,' 'I can't,' 'I am doomed,' 'nobody in our family ever...'. As we can see, there is nothing positive in the family history of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Such couples come with serious problems: abortions, suicides, addictions, infidelity, illnesses, and more.

Therefore, the tug-of-war mentality of 'I'm the boss here, calm down!' is a common communication model. Remember the story of the hero standing at the crossroads of three roads? This path will lead to 'LOSING YOUR FAMILY.' Read more about destructive methods of interaction in partnership here:

Make him earn more

Why go for counseling if your partner has already cheated

How do you negotiate with your other half about your desires?Take care of yourselves, listen to yourselves, your soul will definitely guide you in choosing the right path."

‍

‍